


Doctor Who - The Meddling Poof

by Classicsitcom



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24912034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classicsitcom/pseuds/Classicsitcom
Summary: The First Doctor, Steven and Dodo land on Earth ( Britain obviously ) in 1959 but they find a bizarre, disturbing dystopian nation out of step with conventional history - who has changed history ? Who has 'meddled' with time itself ?William Hartnell as the Doctor, Peter Purves as Steven, Jackie Lane as Dodo,Special guest star - Peter Butterworth ( I wonder who he'll be playing eh ? )Contains language and attitudes prevalent in the 1960s.





	Doctor Who - The Meddling Poof

The silence of a summer's day in a peaceful English wood was broken by the wheezing sound of the TARDIS materialising. One moment the object resembling an old fashioned British police box was not there ... the next moment it was. The TARDIS - that amazing space and time travelling machine of Doctor Who !  
Inside the TARDIS the Doctor was fussing over the controls - he gave the impression of being an irritable old man but in fact ... well, he was actually much older than he looked though every bit as irritable. At this particular moment, however, the Doctor was feeling quite pleased with himself "Yes, hm, very good..." he muttered "That will show those two. Eh ?"  
The two he was referring to entered the TARDIS control room at that very moment - Steven Taylor and Dodo Chaplet - the first, a handsome energetic young man, the second a bubbly attractive young brunette woman.  
"That's better," said Steven referring to his outfit of trousers and a stripey shirt "I feel a lot smarter now."  
"Oh, " said Dodo mischievously "I thought you looked every inch the Wild West cowboy, Steven."  
"Well you certainly looked every inch the saloon girl, Dodo." Answered Steven.  
They were refering to their most recent adventure with the Doctor when the TARDIS had taken them to Dodge City where they met the legendary Wyatt Earp and his dangerous enemies.  
"Well I prefer this look myself." Said Dodo looking down at her smart blouse and knee length skirt.  
"If you two peacocks could stop preening yourself," snapped the Doctor "The TARDIS has landed and this time we are on Earth, in England specifically, and in your time, Dodo, the 1960s or thereabouts, maybe the 1950s in fact."  
"Oh How fab !" Said Dodo, clapping her hands with excitement.  
"A pea hen actually, Doctor." Said Steven.  
"I beg your pardon dear boy ?" Said the doctor.  
"You can refer to me as a peacock..." began Steven...  
"Why would I want to do that ?" Snapped the irascible old scientist.  
"Well, you just did." Answered Steven forcefully.  
"I did nothing of the sort !" Said the Doctor equally forcefully.  
"You most certainly did," insisted Steven "You referred to us as two peacocks." The Doctor looked at Dodo in some surprise but Steven continued unflustered "Well, Dodo can't be a peacock, she would be a pea hen ... it's the female equivalent of a peacock."  
"I do believe the young fellow has lost his mind !" Said the Doctor to Dodo with a half smile "Delirious, talking about peacocks, hm."  
Steven sighed in frustration as Dodo asked to see through the scanner at the England of the 1960s.  
"I believe it is in fact, around 1959 to 1960." Said the Doctor switching on the scanner.  
"You're not usually so precise, Doctor." Pointed out Steven diplomatically "How can you be so sure ?"  
"Analysis of the radio and television transmission waves that surround us," said the Doctor "It gives quite an accurate fix."  
"Hm," said Steven looking with some doubt at the scanner screen "It looks like a forest, it could be Canada or a pre-historic jungle out there."  
"Can we go out ?" Asked Dodo, full of excitement and enthusiasm to see a world that would be familiar to her.  
"Of course we can." Said the Doctor pressing the control panel button that threw open the TARDIS doors. The three travellers stepped out with a mixture of exuberance and trepidation.  
"Lovely fresh air." Said Dodo breathing in deeply.  
"What are you talking about ?" Asked Steven , "Its full of pollutants and ozone." Dodo was originally from Earth in the years known as the 1960s whereas Steven came from an Earth more than a thousand years in to Dodo's future - they had different ideas about what constituted fresh air.  
A few yards of walking through the woods brought the three travellers in time and space to a strip of cleared ground, then a pavement and a wide road with cars speeding along it. To one side was the coast and the sea, on the other was a series of large buildings that Steven and Dodo took to be an airport or an industrial site of some sort. To their left, the road disappeared in to the distance, to their right they could see houses and other buildings.  
"There's a town up that way." Said Steven.  
"Might be Brighton." Said Dodo looking at the town and at the coastline.  
Enthusiasm made Steven and Dodo set a brisk pace walking towards the town and they barely noticed that the Doctor was being left further and further behind. When they did notice, the Doctor told them to go on and "See where we are, I'll catch up."  
Several cars tooted their horns at them as they passed and Dodo wondered aloud why.  
"Showing appreciation of a pretty girl." Said Steven "Sexist and potentially threatening behaviour like that was common back in the 20th century wasn't it ?"  
"A little toot now and then never did a girl any harm," said Dodo who was very much a product of her times "but that's ridiculous." Her last words being drowned out as a car went by blaring it's horn loudly.  
As they approached the town, several people stared at them and one or two even pointed in their direction, specifically at Dodo.  
"Have they never seen a woman before ?" She asked Steven.  
"Funny you should say that." Said Steven "I haven't seen another woman yet, everybody's male."  
"You're right." Said Dodo stopping and looking around "What should we do ?"  
"I think we'll wait for the Doctor." Said Steven looking anxiously along the road where the doctor was a distant figure.  
"Should we go back for him ?" Asked Dodo but Steven never had a chance to answer as a voice shouted out...  
"What are you doing with that ?" The question came from a man wearing tight, skinny jeans, training shoes and a t-shirt that seemed far too small for him covered with a billowing yellow shirt that seemed far too big for him.  
"With what ?" Asked Steven, looking round. Dodo looked round as well.  
"That !" Barked the man pointing at Dodo.  
"Me ?" Asked Dodo.  
"She's a friend of mine actually, what about it ?" Snapped Steven defensively - he had taken an instant dislike to this man and now more and more men dressed in a similarly bizarre way were starting to gather around. Every one of them had a discomforting appearance, skimpy revealing clothes, a mincing attitude in their walk and stance, speaking in loud attention seeking voices with strange indeterminate accents, every word any of them said was greeted with hoots and whoops of forced laughter, extravagant arm gestures and expressions of feigned shock or delight. They looked disturbingly like an effeminate lynch job. Being from the year 3000, Steven had never seen homosexuals before but Dodo instinctively understood and shuddered with disgust. Steven glanced again along the road, the doctor was a little closer now but still some way distant.  
Dodo took hold of Steven's arm and said "Maybe we should just go back." But the statement was quite pointless as they were now surrounded by an ever growing crowd of revealingly and androgynously dressed individuals.  
"Go back where ?" Demanded one of the camp mob to herd mentality cries and jeers from his queer associates.  
"Back along the road that's all." Said Steven "And we'll do just that if you don't mind."  
The crowd however, did mind and several of them took hold of Steven and others of Dodo - none too gently in either case.  
At that moment a police 'panda' car came along the road and pulled over to the pavement -  
"What's going on here ?" Shouted the policeman from the driver's side window.  
"There's a woman here." Said one of the mob pointing at Dodo "And there's a straight with her we think." Like all the others present, he spoke with the same strangled, affected accent quite unlike any that Steven or Dodo had ever heard.  
"Get them in the car." Said the policeman - again in a camp, attention seeking tone of voice that seemed the norm among these people. Steven and Dodo were handcuffed and forced in to the car then it U-turned and drove in to the town. The Doctor arrived just as the mob began to disperse.  
"You'll never guess," said one of the group "They just arrested a woman and a straight."  
"Really ?" Said the Doctor "That'll teach them, eh ? Whatever next ?"  
"The law will deal with them." Said another mob member.  
"I should jolly well think so, yes," said the Doctor slyly "Where did they take them ?"  
"To the police station in town, of course."  
"Of course," said the Doctor "Just what they deserve." He began walking away - the Doctor, of course, didn't know where the police station actually was but he would find that out when he reached the town. He had already drawn quite enough attention to himself here by asking questions.

The police station, as it turned out, was not far in to the town and the police car carrying Steven and Dodo arrived there quickly. The two companions were taken inside by the sergeant who had arrested them and were taken in to an office and pushed on to two chairs. The sergeant took out a notepad and pen.  
"You," he said to Dodo "What's your number ?"  
"My number ?" Asked Dodo.  
"Your identification." Said the sergeant.  
"Well, my name is Dodo Chaplet." She answered in a quiet voice and Steven sighed silently to himself - why had she given her real name ?  
The sergeant looked puzzled - "You ?" He said to Steven.  
"Steven Regret." He answered and Dodo immediately thought how clever he was to use a false name ... and how silly she had been to use a real one. "What's your name ?" Continued Steven rather cheekily.  
"My name is ... none of your business." Said the sergeant "I don't want to seem rude though, it's Sergeant Manley, Guy Manley."  
"We're very pleased to meet you." Said Dodo soothingly "Have we done anything wrong ?"  
Sergeant Manley looked at Steven - "Are you a straight ?" He asked.  
"Am I a what ?" Asked Steven.  
"Are you a straight ?"  
"I'm not sure what you mean."  
"What were you doing walking with a woman ?"  
"Why shouldn't I ?" Asked Steven.  
""Don't be cheeky with me !" Snapped Manley and turned his attention to Dodo - "Where have you come from ? A reproduction farm ?"  
Now it was Dodo's turn to be baffled...  
"A reproduction farm ?" She asked.  
"If you tell me where you came from, you'll be returned. You'll be punished obviously but not cooperating will only make things worse. Now, where did you come from ?"  
"I refuse to cooperate." Said Dodo sounding more brave than she felt.  
"Show me your arms." Ordered Manley and Dodo held her arms in front of her. Manley looked at them closely, turning them round - which was difficult with the handcuffs - and looking even more closely. His expression was one of puzzlement.  
"What are you looking for ?" Asked Dodo but Manley was evasive -  
"Well," he said mockingly "Steven Regret who doesn't know if he's straight or not and ..." He checked his notebook "Dodo Chaplet - a brave escapee from a reproduction farm who will not cooperate."  
"We've told you all were prepared to tell you," said Steven "What happens to us now ?"  
"You will be handed over to the Gaystapo." Said Manley to Steven.  
"The what ?" Said Steven.  
"The Gaystapo," repeated Manley "The state police, they deal with straights and suspected straights. As for you..." He turned to Dodo "You will be sent to the nearest reproduction farm. You'll be identified somehow."  
There was a knock on the door and another policeman came in - "Sir, we're taking a car to the reproduction farm just now - to investigate theft of food - do you want us to take this one along with us ?" He pointed at Dodo.  
Sergeant Manley had his back to the officer and Steven thought he saw a flicker of annoyance in his face which he immediately dispelled with a smile as he turned round.  
"Yes you might as well. Get her out of my hair here."  
"Come on you." Said the policeman taking Dodo by the arm. Steven jumped to his feet but Sergeant Manley pushed him back in to his seat brusquely. "You just stay where you are." He snarled.  
Steven was handcuffed and helpless, there was nothing he could do to save Dodo as she was led out of the room and the door closed.

Dodo was led out of the police station and put in to the back of a van with the policeman who had collected her. Another policeman climbed in to the driver's seat and the van drove away from the police station. The Doctor was, at that very moment, approaching the police station and was completely unaware that the van that drove past him contained one of his companions and friends. The irascible old time traveller composed himself before entering.

In the van, Dodo tried to strike up a conversation with her policeman companion -  
"Where am I being taken ?" She asked.  
"To the reproduction farm, it's not far." He answered coldly.  
"What's a reproduction farm ?" Asked Dodo.  
The policeman looked at her through narrowed eyes. He obviously found the question ridiculous and not worth answering.  
"It won't do any harm to tell me, will it ?" Asked Dodo in a quiet, imploring tone of voice, smiling and fluttering her eyelashes a little."  
"Be quiet." Sneered the policeman.  
"Do you have a name ?" Asked Dodo still trying to soften her protagonist in the hope of gaining some little advantage.  
"Be quiet, I said."  
Dodo and the policeman we're sitting opposite each other and she reached out and placed her hand on his knee.  
"You don't need to be so unfriendly..." She never got any further with the sentence as the policeman brushed her hand away roughly -  
"Don't touch me again !" He snarled "Now be quiet."  
Dodo sat back and discreetly studied the policeman - he had an aura about him, spiritually and physically, that unsettled Dodo - not quite effeminate but a lack of masculinity that made her feel instinctively uncomfortable. Clearly feminine wiles were not going to work here. The van sped on.

The police station was small with just a front reception area, back offices and a staircase down to the cells. It was fitted out just the way a late 1950s or early 1960s town police station would normally be. The Doctor asked the desk constable about the man and the woman who had been arrested earlier.  
"Suspected of being straight, apparently." He said, recalling the comments made to him by the mob.  
"Yes," said the constable putting aside the newspaper that he was reading "the woman has been taken away..."  
"Away ?" Said the Doctor in surprise then composed himself quickly "Where to, may I ask ?"  
"What's it to you ?" Snapped the constable.  
"I only asked a civil question." Said the Doctor in a conciliatory tone.  
"Well," said the constable "As it happens, it's been taken to the reproduction farm, the one along the coast, Reproduction Farm South East Seven, just along the coast road."  
"Ah yes," said the Doctor controlling his shock and anger "Yes, of course. South East Seven - and the young man ?"  
"He's still here." Said the constable "Being questioned."  
"Perhaps I could speak to him." Suggested the Doctor.  
"What about ?"   
"About his arrest."  
"Are you a solicitor or something ?" Asked the constable.  
"Something like that," said the Doctor "In fact, exactly that, yes, I'm a solicitor, yes." It was as good a ruse as any, decided the ever sly doctor.  
"Sergeant Manley is questioning him just now." Said the constable.  
"Ah, Sergeant Manley, perhaps I could speak to him about it." Suggested the Doctor.  
The desk constable picked up a 'phone and dialled a short three figure internal code. The phone in the rear office rung quite audibly in the front reception area and was answered quickly.  
"Someone here wants to speak to you Sergeant Manley." Said the constable "It's about the straight you're questioning." There was a pause "He says he's a solicitor... Okay."  
The constable put down the phone and the door to the back office opened. Sergeant Manley walked out and looked at the Doctor.  
"How can I help you ?"  
"I wanted to talk to you about the man who was arrested earlier." Said the Doctor "On an allegation of straightness, hm ?" He finished the sentence quite deliberately with a questioning tone hoping that the Sergeant might offer an explanation of exactly what 'straightness' meant. The Doctor, in his almost infinite wisdom had no idea but in his almost infinite cunning realised that asking directly would raise suspicion.  
"Yes, we think he's a straight." Said Manley without clarifying the matter "Who exactly are you and how are you involved with him ?"  
"My name is Doctor Holiday."   
"Doctor Holiday ?" Said Manley "Like the cowboy ?"  
"Exactly," said the Doctor with a smile but inwardly cursing himself for not realising that the name would be familiar to the educated 20th century mind "Everyone says that."  
"I'll bet they do." Said Sergeant Manley, also smiling though the Doctor could not, for the life of him, tell if the smile was genuinely cheerful or menacingly sinister. "So you're a doctor are you ? I thought you were a solicitor."  
"I am a doctor of law," said the Doctor quickly "I AM a solicitor. Perhaps I could speak to the ... em... accused.  
"He's charged with being straight," said Manley "There's no defence against that charge. If you're a solicitor, you should know that."  
"I believe the accusation may be false," said the Doctor trying to avoid being tied in knots by his obviously intelligent opponent "That is why I must speak to him."  
"It won't do any harm, I suppose." Said Manley "Come through," he then addressed the desk constable "Peter, I don't want to be disturbed unless it's important."  
"No problem Sarge." Said the constable and returned to his newspaper.

The van carrying Dodo pulled in to a large camp consisting of dozens of wooden huts. A barbed wire fence surrounded the entire compound and the van drove through a checkpoint with two truncheon carrying guards on duty. Dodo was pulled out of the van and the policeman told the guards that she was an 'escapee' and also that she didn't 'seem to have a number or any identification.' Dodo looked around - there were many uniformed guards around - all male, all armed with wooden truncheons - and hundreds of women - shabbily dressed, dejected, miserable looking women - almost every one of them in one stage or another of pregnancy. The phrase 'Reproduction Farm' suddenly became clear in Dodo's mind ... and she fainted.

"Doctor !" Said Steven excitedly.  
The Doctor scowled as Sergeant Manley said "Oh, you two know each other ?"  
"Yes, we do." Said the Doctor and quickly tried to change the subject "You're accused of being straight, Steven, what have you to say for yourself ?"  
"I didn't do it." Said Steven unable to think of a better response.  
"Didn't do it ?" Said Manley mockingly. He moved the telephone across his desk along with a bunch of keys and sat down on the edge. "Didn't do it." He repeated and laughed  
"Not good enough my boy." Said the Doctor - as they spoke his eyes were taking in every detail of the room looking for a means of rescuing his companion.  
"What does 'being straight' mean anyway ?" Demanded Steven.  
Manley laughed again and the Doctor joined in guffawing in to his hand.  
"He seems quite serious," said the Doctor to Manley "You'd better tell him."  
"No," said Manley "You tell him."  
"We'll," said the Doctor, shrugging his shoulders "He must know full well, mustn't he ? Hm ?"  
"It means you're not gay." Said Manley.  
"Gay ?" Asked Steven.  
"Yes," said the Doctor, "Gay ... bright, cheerful, happy ? Hm ?"  
Manley looked closely at the Doctor and at Steven - "Gay as in homosexual." He said.  
"Are you calling me a poof ?" Said Steven, his voice rising in anger.  
"Quite the reverse," said Manley "You're accused of being straight. And don't use the word 'poof' it's illegal."  
"Being straight is a crime ?" Said Steven.  
"That is the case, isn't it, Mister Doctor of Law, solicitor ?" Manley looked at the Doctor.  
"We're tourists." Said the Doctor almost in desperation "We didn't know."  
Manley rolled his eyes "Oh you're tourists are you ? We'll why didn't you say so ? That makes all the difference in the world. Tourists, just visiting Gay Britain for a holiday."  
"Gay Britain ?" Said Steven in disbelief.  
"That's right." Said the Doctor interrupting before Steven dug them deeper in to trouble. Manley obviously had a sharp brain and it would take all of the Doctor's wits to talk their way out of this situation.  
"Where have you come from ?" Asked Manley.  
"America." Said Steven.  
"You don't have American accents."  
"Were originally British, we moved to America a short time ago."  
"And you're back visiting the 'old' country."  
"Exactly, dear boy, yes, hm ?" The doctor crooked a thumb in to his waistcoat lapel trying to look more confident than he actually was. Maybe Manley would fall for this story after all.  
"Do you have passports ?"  
"Passports ?" Said the Doctor.  
"Not with us, no." Said Steven.  
"Where are they ?"   
"At the hotel." Said the Doctor realising he was losing this argument too.  
"Which hotel ?"  
There was a long silence.  
"We're not tourists." Said Steven.  
Manley stood up, moved the telephone and the keys back to their original place on the desk and stood between Steven and the Doctor.  
"Why are you lying to me ?" He said.  
At a nod from the Doctor, Steven jumped up from the chair and grabbed Manley who collapsed immediately on to the floor. The Doctor looked at him in surprise.  
"I hardly touched him." Said Steven crouching down and looking closely at Manley "He's out for the count."  
"The sooner we are 'out' as well, the better." Said the Doctor grabbing the keys from the desk and quickly selecting the one that unlocked Steven's handcuffs.  
The Doctor placed a chair against the door handle while Steven opened the office window and looked out.  
"Coast clear, dear boy, hm ?" Asked the Doctor.  
"Yes, come on."   
Steven and the Doctor - with a little help - climbed out the window and walked off nonchalantly in to the street.  
Manley looked up from the floor - "I thought those two would never escape." He sighed and lay back again with his eyes closed.

At Reproduction Camp South East Seven, Dodo had been taken to the hospital section - which, considering the purpose of the camp, was large and well equipped. Without exception, the male staff had been unfeeling and cold, even cruel, towards her but here she found a little kindness from a young woman who cleaned the ward. Apart from Dodo, every woman was heavily pregnant.  
"Why am I here ?" She asked as the young ward attendant made sure she was comfortable in her bed.  
"You fainted." She said "You are to have 24 hours rest, then an assessment, then you'll be allocated to an accomodation block."  
"Then what ?" Asked Dodo, looking round anxiously "Like them ?"  
This was obviously a subject that her new friend wanted to avoid - "You just get some rest, everything will be fine, surely you've been in a farm before ?"  
"No, I haven't."  
The young woman pulled a face - a combination of doubt, surprise and concern. She looked at Dodo's forearms.  
"How come you don't have a number ?" She asked and Dodo noticed that the young woman had a number tattooed on her right forearm.  
"I just don't." Said Dodo feeling a wave of nausea come over her.  
"Just you behave yourself, don't antagonise the doctors or you'll be beaten, I'll see you later. My name is Sonia by the way."  
"Thank you Sonia." Said Dodo fighting back tears.

The Doctor and Steven walked along what was obviously the high street of the unknown town they had found themselves in. Everywhere there were men - but no women - men walking together, holding hands, extravagantly dressed, punctuating their every conversation with flamboyant gestures and attention seeking shrieks of laughter or surprise, displaying levels of physical familiarity that left the Doctor and Steven disgusted.  
"Manley, was telling the truth, Doctor." Said Steven in a whisper "These people are all homos."  
"Nice outfit !" Said a voice.  
"Thank you." Said the Doctor then continued to Steven "We need to get off this street. There may be someone here who could recognise us. Turn round and look in that shop window." The doctor physically rotated Steven.  
"Why ? What is it ?" He asked.  
"There's a chap over there," said the Doctor "I think he was in among that mob from earlier."  
The Doctor and Steven stared in to the window of a travel agent and were horrified to see a large photograph of two men in skimpy bathing trunks walking along a beach and kissing. An attached banner offered special savings on 'honeymoon' breaks."  
"Good grief ! Doctor, look at that ! They must get married to each other !"  
"I imagine they must." Said the Doctor "Grotesque as it may be to you and I, it would be quite natural to them."  
"Doctor, we've got to get away from here. What about Dodo ? Where's she ? What have they done with her ?"  
"Taken to something called a 'reproduction farm' according to that policeman." Said the Doctor.  
"A farm ?" Said Steven "Well, up until the 21st century, humans used to have animals on farms, to produce meat. You don't think that's where all the women are, do you ? Do they eat them ?"  
"I think it might be much worse than that, actually." Said the Doctor "If this is normal, if men co-habit, marry each other, if that is the norm - where do the next generation come from ? Hm ? Where do the babies come from ? We've seen a few children since we arrived so they must come from somewhere."  
Steven glanced around and sure enough there were some young children here and there in the street - all boys.  
"Two men can't make a baby can they, dear boy ? Hm ? Two men can't ... reproduce."  
"Reproduce !" Steven gasped the word "Then that must be ... If they do that to Dodo, if they harm a hair on her head I'll kill them all !"  
"I am as angry as you, Steven, just as angry but anger is not the answer, oh no, hm ?" Said the Doctor "We need a practical solution."  
"I'll tell you a practical solution, Doctor. We go back to the TARDIS, get a couple of thermo-blasters and we go and blow that reproduction place off the face of the Earth." Said Steven, "That's what we do !"  
"I don't usually advocate violence," said the Doctor "But in this case it may be justified. However, that would only be dealing with one of these reproduction camp er farms, hm ? Presumably there are others. What about them ? Hm ? What about this whole sorry state of affairs."  
"At the moment, I only care about Dodo." Said Steven.  
"Then we shall return to the TARDIS." Said the Doctor "Down this side road here."  
The Doctor and Steven moved off -  
"Hold my hand." Said the Doctor.  
"What ?" Said Steven.  
"When in Rome, and all that." Said the Doctor "Help us to blend in."  
Steven reluctantly placed his left hand in the doctors right hand and the two of them strolled up the side street.  
"This would be hilarious if it wasn't so horrible, wouldn't it ?" Said Steven and, despite the circumstances, both men laughed out loud.

As they approached the outskirts of the town Steven said - "You know, Doctor, I studied 20th century history at school and I remember a little bit about it."  
"Really ?" Said the Doctor.  
"They legalised homos at some point. Up until then it had been illegal, but they made it legal and then later they let homos teach in schools, they let them get married, just like here. As I remember by about 2030 they realised what a huge mistake they'd made and re-criminalised it."  
"Did they indeed, did they indeed, hm ?"  
"Yes, but the point is, it all happened much later than this - at least I think it did - you said this was 1960 it wasn't like this in the 1960s I'm sure of it."  
"We'll, it may not have been like this in the 1960s you read about. It probably wasn't like this in the 1960s that young Dodo grew up in - there are an infinite number of paths and outcomes that time and space can, um, you see, many different ones, this is just one of them - a different one, hm ?"  
"I see," said Steven "Different possible timelines eh ?"  
"Did you happen to notice something back at that police station ?"  
"Such as, Doctor ?"  
"A painting on the wall."  
"I can't say that I did, no."  
"It was on display above the main desk - absolute pride of display - the kind of place that people put a painting of their king or their president."  
"We'll, I didn't notice it."  
"That's a pity dear boy, because I did notice it and I recognised it as well. I recognised the person in it, the man in it, yes, hm ?"  
"Who was he ?"  
"I cannot remember for the life of me !"

Ahead of the Doctor and Steven - and quite unknown to them - a car waited in a lay-by. Inside the car was a man at the steering wheel, his head covered by a black cloth bag with rough holes cut for his eyes. Another man was bent over the open bonnet of the car - as if there was a fault with the engine... though there was no fault at all and the man had his eyes firmly fixed on the grass verge along which the Doctor and Steven were walking. Further along the verge, a third man waited concealed in the bushes. The hooded man in the driving seat ducked down out of sight.  
"There's a car up ahead, Doctor." Said Steven.  
"Yes, I see it." Said the Doctor "We'll just say 'hello' and pass on by. It's none of our business. We're just two men out for a romantic walk."  
"All right... darling." Said Steven.  
"That's right ... honeybunch." Said the Doctor.  
"Honeybunch ?" Said Steven almost laughing despite the dangerous situation they were in.  
"Good afternoon." Said the Doctor as he and Steven approached the car.  
The man bent over the engine straightened up holding a newspaper up to conceal his face and pulled a revolver from his pocket which he levelled at the Doctor and Steven who stopped in their tracks.  
The third man approached from behind, also armed and also with his face covered but in his case, with a woolen scarf.  
Another car pulled up quickly driven by a man with a cloth bag hood over his head.  
"You, old man, in this car." Ordered the man with the newspaper.  
"You over here." Said the man with the scarf and pushed Steven towards the other car  
"Don't try anything or we'll shoot you." Said the man with the newspaper and, unable to resist, the Doctor was bundled in to one car and Steven in to the other. The two cars drove off in opposite directions.  
"Where are you taking my friend ?" Demanded the Doctor as he sat in the back seat with the revolver pushed in to his ribs.  
"We're all going to the same place, just different routes." Said the man with the newspaper as he pulled a cloth bag over his head. "Put this on." He said handing the Doctor a length of black cloth "It's a blindfold. We don't want you to see where we're taking you."  
The Doctor complied with the order and as soon as the blindfold was on he felt the car make a U-turn. The Doctor sat quite still and resolute as the car drove through the countryside.

"Who are you people ?" Asked Steven trying to put a hard edge of courage in to his voice - courage which he certainly did not feel.  
"Never you mind." Said the scarfed man looking anxiously backwards and out the side windows of the car.  
It was the second time that the man looked out the side window that Steven made his move, wrenching the gun from his hand and using it to strike the driver. It was a glancing blow but enough to cause the car to impact the verge, run out of control and crash in to some thick bushes. Steven pushed open the car door and tried to make a run for it but his ankle had taken a hard knock against the driver's seat and he collapsed. The two men from the car caught him quickly and over powered him.

"This is very good tea, thank you very much." Said the Doctor.  
"Help yourself to cake." Said a woman with a wooly hat pulled down to her eyes and a cloth scarf wrapped round her lower face.  
"Oh yes, thank you." Said the Doctor taking a slice of the fruit cake liberally spread with butter.  
The Doctor was in the kitchen of a farmhouse - the two men who had kidnapped him stood on either side of the room, revolvers trained on him. The woman fussed about like a domesticated housewife but she also had a revolver tucked in to the waistband of her skirt.  
"What's your name ?" Asked one man.  
"My friends call me The Doctor."  
"Do they indeed ? Well we'll call you that as well, for the time being."  
"Are you a straight ?" Asked the other man.  
The Doctor turned to him - "In the sense that you use the word, yes."  
"Pretty dangerous being a straight these days."  
"So I've noticed." Said the Doctor.  
"Is that what you were arrested for ?" Asked the woman.  
"I wasn't arrested, actually," said the Doctor "My companion was arrested. By the way, where is he ?"  
"He'll be here soon enough." Said the woman peeking through the curtains to the outside.  
"We heard that you were both arrested as straights." Said one of the men.  
"Well, I'm sure they would have got round to arresting me sooner or later." Said the Doctor, draining his teacup "May I ask you some questions ?"  
"Go on." Said one of the men.  
"This is Great Britain, isn't it ?"  
"It used to be Great Britain, it's called Gay Britain now."  
"The tone of your voice suggests that you are not happy with that state of affairs."  
"I didn't say that in as many words."  
"You didn't have to. Could you tell me, also, what year it is ?"  
The two men and the woman laughed.  
"Please humour me." Said the Doctor.  
"It's 1959." Said the woman.  
"Who is the leader of this Gay Britain ? You have a king, a president, a leader ?"  
"The country is ruled by Lord Butterworth."  
"Lord Butterworth ?" Said the Doctor "Really ? Lord Butterworth, hm ? I'm sorry if I seem ignorant but my companions and I only arrived here recently."  
"How did you get here ?"   
"We'll, that's rather a long story."  
"We've got plenty of time."  
The Doctor chose to ignore the remark - "I presume you are some kind of straight resistance, are you ?"  
There was no answer.  
"Yes, I think you are." Continued the Doctor "Can you tell me briefly how Great Britain became Gay Britain ?"  
There was a long silence. The Doctor helped himself to more tea from the teapot.  
"Lord Butterworth rose to prominence back in the 1930s." Said the woman "He was a great leader back then. A decent man, a proper man. Very charismatic and popular. Then, with the rise of Hitler in Germany Britain needed a great leader and Lord Butterworth was the Minister of War. When the Nazis tried to invade France, Butterworth unveiled new wonder weapons which destroyed Hitler's armies in a matter of days..."  
"Did he really, new wonder weapons, hm ?" Mused the Doctor.  
"Britain loved him. He'd saved us all, virtually single handed. My mother and father told me how they had cheered him through London in the victory parade."  
"I see." Said the Doctor.  
"He became Prime Minister the next year, 1941 that was or 42, and what a Prime Minister he was. Everything that could benefit us, the people, he demanded and everything he demanded he got. The welfare state, the national heath service, comprehensive schooling for everyone. It was a golden age for Britain."  
"But..." Said the Doctor "I presume there is a 'but' isn't there ? Hm ?"  
"Yes," said one of the men, continuing the story "Something happened - an accident of some sort, he fell down the stairs at 10 Downing Street, he bumped his head, this was in 1943, he was in a coma, the whole country was praying for his recovery and after a few days he regained consciousness. He seemed to be the same old Lord Butterworth at first but the head injury had caused brain damage or something. He had become a homo, a homosexual you know ?"  
The Doctor nodded.  
"Up until then, homosexuality had been illegal, of course, but he changed the law- it was unpopular but he had such power he could do anything. I should say that, first of all, he promoted a lot of homosexuals in the government, the army, the navy, the air force, the police - he claimed that it was in the interests of fairness, equality, diversity, all sorts of trendy buzzwords - people protested but with all that behind him, nothing could stop him. At first he used conventional methods, propaganda, education, brainwashing really to convince people that homosexuality was acceptable, almost normal. There was nothing anyone could do to stop him because the government were all homos too by that point. Protests were crushed, new laws were used to stifle free speech, the press, the films, the wireless - all of them were controlled by homosexuals. The secret police - the Gaystapo - run by Lord Butterworth's special advisor, Jeremy Thorpe - all hand picked queer extremists had an iron grip on the state. Same sex marriage was introduced, men marrying men and conventional marriage was banned. Then at some point, they developed a surgical technique, brain surgery that turned normal men in to homosexuals but that only lasted a year or two, the brain cells rebuilt themselves, it wasn't permanent - then they developed a chemical method, there's something in the water now that makes you go homo, it's added in a water treatment facility - one in each county - we don't drink tap water, we wouldn't dare, we just drink rain water so we can stay normal. There's no escape from it really for most people..." His voice tailed off.  
"A terrible state of affairs." Said the Doctor "I had presumed that some kind of popular uprising might be possible but from what you say it's unlikely."  
"It's impossible." Said the other man "In the early days we tried resistance, sabotage, burning down the hospitals where they did the surgery but the reprisals were terrible. Whole towns destroyed in revenge, suspected straights tortured and killed ... or converted with brain surgery. Sabotaging the water supply - we did that a few times but with the same result. It became easier to do nothing. There was nothing we could do. There still is nothing we can do."  
"Well," said the Doctor "I'm not so sure about that - no, I don't want to raise false hopes in you but, well, can you show me a photograph of this Lord Butterworth, a picture of him."  
"There might be one in the newspaper." Said one of the men looking in a drawer "Here, let's see, yes, there he is - that's him, Lord Butterworth."  
The Doctor looked at the photograph then announced with some satisfaction "It's him ! Yes, it is him - I thought so when I saw his portrait in the police station, it's him ! My dear friends, there is a possibility, just a probability, that there is a way out of this nightmare for your country."  
"Exactly how ?" Said one of the men his voice betraying no excitement whatsoever.  
"Well," said the Doctor "I know this man - or at least, I knew him some years ago, many years ago in fact and I have something, something I took from him, something that he would be desperate to get back. Yes ? Hm ? Something for which he would give up this entire country indeed this entire world ... quite literally."  
Silence ... the listeners in the room seemed impressed ... then a loud knock on the door made everyone jump in fear. One man put the barrel of his revolver against the Doctor's temple - "Not a word !" He ordered.  
The second man took up position beside the door, the woman drew her revolver and looked out through the curtains - "Open the door." She ordered.  
The door was opened and the two other straight resistance men came in with Steven limping on his injured ankle and blindfolded.  
"Steven !" Said the Doctor "Thank goodness you're here. Is there any more tea ? This young man must be parched."

At the reproduction farm, Dodo's case was being discussed by the Commandant and his assistant.  
"It's a bit of a mystery, sir," said the Assistant Commandant "It doesn't have a number."  
"No number ?"  
"Nor any sign that a number has been removed. Both it's arms are completely clear."  
"It should have been numbered at 10 years old," mused the Commandant "How strange. I wonder where it came from."  
"Possibly a member of the straight resistance."  
"Very possibly, but on the other hand, it might be a foreigner who's ended up here somehow."  
"As far as I know, it speaks with an English accent."  
"I'll call the Gaystapo, get someone up to question it. In the meantime exempt it from insemination."  
"It's not fit for insemination, sir," said the Assistant Commandant "It's blood group is B."  
"B blood group !" Said the Commandant in astonishment "How could a woman of its age be B blood group ? Very odd. Tomorrow put it on auxillary duties. This is very interesting, I wonder what the Gaystapo will get out of it."  
The Assistant Commandant punched his fist in to the palm of his hand - "We could question it ourselves sir ?"  
By now the Commandant was on the telephone asking for an interrogation team to come to the farm. There were a few minutes of 'Hm' , 'Yes Sir', 'No Sir' and 'I understand sir.' then he put the receiver down.  
"The Gaystapo can't spare anyone for a couple of days - still hunting for the two escaped straights... I wonder if this woman is connected with them ?"  
"There was nothing in the report about any companions." Said the Assistant Commandant - in Gay Britain, the return of an escaped woman to a reproduction farm was considered a matter of routine not requiring investigation or paperwork.  
"Forget the auxiliary duties, Norton," said the Commandant "Have it sedated and keep it in the hospital, if it is an escapee I don't want it escaping again and if it's not ... we'll, that's a problem for the Gaystapo, not me."  
"Yes sir." Said Assistant Commandant Norton and turned to leave the room.  
"Remember, Norton," said the Commandant "No rough stuff, I want her in perfect condition for the Gaystapo."  
"Yes Commandant Upper-Norwood." Said Assistant Commandant Norton and he raised his arm "Hail Butterworth - may his queerness conquer all."  
"May his queerness conquer all." Replied the Commandant.

"What are we going to do about Dodo ?" Demanded Steven.  
"Dodo ?" Said one of the straight resistance men "Who's he ?"  
"Dodo isn't a 'he', she's a woman." Said Steven.  
"I'm sorry," said the man "I just took it for granted."  
"Dodo is our companion," said the Doctor "Our friend. She was arrested at the same time as Steven here."  
"Taken to the reproduction farm." Said one of the other men matter of factly.  
There was a silence as the enormity of this statement sunk in.  
"What exactly is a reproduction farm anyway ?" Asked Steven.  
"The way our society works," explained one of their captors "It - society - can't produce babies, not naturally anyway so reproduction farms were built. Females - women - are kept in these farms. There are four of them, eight here for England, another one in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. The women are impregnated - artificially inseminated - and produce a baby every year for ten years then they're ... exterminated. Of the babies that are produced, the boys are given to married couples, sent to state schools for indoctrination and the girls, well one in every ten are kept for future reproduction needs, the rest are euthenised ..."  
"Never mind the lecture !" Roared Steven jumping to his feet and grimacing at the pain in his ankle "We need to get her out ! I told you Doctor, we go back to TARDIS, get a couple of thermo blasters and then ... well, we go there and we don't stop till we get Dodo !"  
"Dear boy," said the Doctor "We don't have thermo blasters in the TARDIS and, anyway, I presume this farm place is, hm, well, you know, well defended ?"  
"It's like a fortress, armed guards, electrified fences, guard dogs - quite impregnable. I'm sorry. If there was anything we could do to get the women out of there, don't you think we'd do it ?"  
"I'm sure you would." Said the Doctor "And Steven realises that as well."  
Steven by now had collapsed back in to his chair holding his face in his hands "Dodo." He sobbed.  
"We'll make enquiries, find out if she's there. Maybe something can be done but I don't want to raise your hopes." Said the resistance man who was obviously the leader.  
"Thank you." Said Steven "Doctor, what can we do ?"  
"We'll, Steven, would you look at this?" Said the Doctor handing the newspaper to Steven. The young man took it and wiped tears from his eyes. He studied it closely, confusion written all over his face as he read from the page ...  
"4 o'clock, At Homo with the Huggets, 5 o'clock, To Gay In Parliament 5.30, Homos Under The Hammer, Poof Your Money Where Your Mouth Is, Take Your Dick, Father Queer Father... I don't understand."  
"Not the television guide," said the Doctor "The photograph, the photograph !"  
"But ..." Said Steven in astonishment "It's that ... it's the monk, the Meddling Monk !"  
"Yes, that's what I thought." Said the Doctor "You see, powerful wonder weapons to win the war, a maniacal desire to change the course of history..."  
"Just like at the Battle of Hastings !" Said Steven.  
"Exactly " said the Doctor "And that is the lunatic who is running this country !"  
"Did you say the 'Meddling Monk' ?" Asked one of the men "I don't quite understand."  
"That is the name we knew him by a few, well a few years ago, right my boy, hm ?"  
"Yes the 'Meddling Monk' back then," said Steven "The Meddling Poof' now. Just a minute, though Doctor, he was quite normal back then."  
"Yes," said the Doctor "But apparently, he suffered an injury, a head injury, brain damage, you know ?" He pointed to his temple "Turned him in to a raving homo."  
The four resistance men and their female compatriot looked on with a new, keen interest in their prisoners.  
"Now listen," said the Doctor taking charge of the situation as he usually did "Is there any way that we can get a private audience with Lord Butterworth ? As soon as possible, tomorrow if we can ?"  
"He's in residence at the Pavilion." Said one of the resistance men.  
"It's not easy to get access to him." Said the woman.  
"The Doctor's pretty good at that sort of thing." Said Steven.  
"Once he knows what I've got he'll be begging to see me." Said the Doctor.  
"What have you got ?"  
"Something very important to him. So important that he will trade anything for it ... even this homosexual hell that he has created in your country. Once he has this object - he will disappear, quite literally, I give you my word on it. When he disappears so will his whole regime, his whole monstrous, cruel ... er ... regime."  
"What makes you think we're going to let you go. What makes you think we'll set you free to do all this ?" Said one of the resistance men.  
"Well, why on earth wouldn't you ? You haven't captured us anyway, you rescued us. Our very presence here is a threat to all of you as we are wanted fugitives. I am offering you the chance to achieve all the goals that the resistance has set itself, total victory. If I succeed then victory will be yours, if I fail you'll be no worse off. Steven and I have not seen your faces, we don't know your names we don't even know where we are being held. Every argument is in favour of you releasing us and none at all against it."  
"You'll be released in the morning." Said the man who appeared to be the resistance leader who then had a whispered conversation with the others, two of whom left a moment later.

Steven and the Doctor slept on two mattresses on the farmhouse floor constantly guarded by one or more of the resistance. Early in the morning, they were given breakfast and two men arrived and were let in after they had covered their faces. They had another whispered conversation as they were undoubtedly the men who had left the previous night.  
"Your friend ... Dodo," said the resistance leader to the Doctor and Steven "She's alive and well. For some reason she's been exempted from insemination, she won't be impregnated."  
"Well, that's a relief." Said Steven.  
"I hope so, dear boy," said the Doctor "However, I wonder what will happen to her if she is not useful to the regime in that way."  
"She may be given duties in the camp, cleaning or labouring. I don't know - a woman's life isn't worth much in an all male homosexual world." Said the resistance leader - he chose not to mention that Dodo was only being kept alive long enough for the Gaystapo to question her. "Also, Lord Butterworth is in residence at the Pavilion if you still want to try and speak to him."  
"Absolutely," said the Doctor "absolutely and the sooner the better. Can you take us there ?"  
"We'll take you to the edge of town and you can make your own way there. We can't risk being seen with you."  
"As you wish."

The Doctor and Steven strode purposefully in to the opulent foyer of the Brighton Pavilion and approached the reception desk. A huge portrait of Lord Butterworth hung above it and the Doctor nodded to it for the benefit of his companion.  
"We would like an audience with Lord Butterworth." Said the Doctor to the man at the desk.  
"Have you an appointment ?"   
"No we don't but I feel sure he will speak to us."  
"I doubt it."   
"Please tell him that his friends - The Doctor and Steven Taylor - are here."  
The desk assistant looked at them closely then scribbled on a piece of paper - "The Doctor and Steven ...what ?"  
"Taylor." Said Steven.  
The desk assistant made a telephone call and some minutes passed until a man in a pink uniform minced down the staircase behind the desk.  
"The Doctor and Steven Taylor is it ?" He asked.  
"Yes," said the Doctor "We were hoping for an audience with Lord Butterworth." Their pink uniformed interlocutor was clearly not the man they were seeking.  
"Lord Butterworth is a very busy man, perhaps I can help you. I am Jeremy Thorpe. Head of the Gaystapo."  
"Mr Thorpe !" Said the Doctor - completely unfazed - "Such an honour to meet you." He shook the evil police chiefs hand warmly - "Steven, Jeremy Thorpe, head of the Gaystapo."  
"Delighted to meet you sir." Said Steven suppressing the desire to murder the merciless, mincing monstrosity.  
"Now, how can I help you ?"  
"We'll, that's just the point." Said the Doctor "You can't. Our business is with Lord Butterworth in person, as I said. I'm sure, sir, if you could let him know we are here - The Doctor and Steven Taylor - and that we wish to return an item of his property, which we are in, um, profession of ... you are a very important man and can undoubtedly convince him, persuade him even. Hm ?"  
Thorpe's face suggested that he was not one to be easily flattered but, surprisingly, he said -  
"One moment, gentlemen." He picked up the telephone on the desk. While waiting for a reply he turned his back on the Doctor and Steven and made a gesture of some sort to the desk assistant. A moment later the armed guards around the reception area became suddenly more alert, the guards at the main doors moved from standing either side of the doors to standing in front of them. The increase in tension was palpable.  
Thorpe put the telephone down after a whispered conversation on it and said "Please come with me."  
The Doctor and Steven were led to the staircase where the Doctor exaggerated his age and frailness by grasping the bannister and taking Steven's arm for assistance. Once upstairs, the two time travelling adventurers were led through two enormous doors in to a sumptuous office, luxuriously appointed, the walls hanging with explicit paintings of naked men. At one end was a desk and at the desk sat Lord Butterworth - the Meddling Monk himself.  
"Good morning my lord." Said the Doctor.  
Butterworth stood up and stared at the Doctor then at Steven - "You !"  
"Us !" Said the Doctor sitting himself down on one of the chairs in front of Lord Butterworth's desk.  
"My lord," said Thorpe "I believe these are the two straights we are searching for."  
"Indeed we are." Said the Doctor "However, we are here to discuss something more important than 'straightness' - we are here to discuss 'dimensional stabilisers'."  
"The dimensional stabiliser ?" Said Butterworth "My dimensional stabiliser ?"  
The Doctor nodded - "We can speak in private, of course, we don't need this minion."  
Thorpe bristled with anger and was about to speak but Butterworth ordered "Thorpe, leave us !"  
"My lord ?" Said Thorpe.  
"You still here ?" Said Steven pushing Thorpe towards the door "Off you go." At a nod from Butterworth, the evil leader of the Gaystapo left the room and Steven closed the door.  
"Now we shall talk business, Lord Butterworth," said the Doctor "You want your dimensional stabiliser back, of course. How long have you been stuck here on earth 900 years ? Hm ?"  
"894 years actually"  
"Whatever. We are prepared to return your property." Said the Doctor.  
"With some conditions of course." Said Steven.  
"Those conditions are ?"  
"That you end this homosexual tyranny you have inflicted on this country, restore normal life, release the women from your reproduction farms and allow free and democratic rule by the straight majority." Said the Doctor.  
"Agree to those conditions and you can have your stabiliser back." Said Steven.  
Butterworth stood at his desk considering the offer then - "No, I won't do it. I have created a gay paradise here in this country and I intend to go on, to move forward, to Europe, the Americas - I will not cease until I have created a gay world, a completely homosexual planet. I refuse your offer."  
"But..." Said the Doctor who was genuinely surprised at Butterworth's response "You can have the freedom of the universe. Men like you and I should never be tied to one planet, we live among the stars."  
"Yes," said Butterworth "and I will live among the stars, make no mistake about it. I will create my gay earth then an entire gay galaxy with the power of my TARDIS restored."  
"We will not return the stabilisers under such circumstances." Said the Doctor forthrightly.  
"Not return them ?" Said Butterworth raising his voice "You will have no choice, I will torture you until you hand them over. Where's that little girl ? Vicki wasn't it ? I'll torture her in front of you till you beg to hand over the stabiliser."  
"Are you completely insane ?" Demanded Steven.  
"Careful dear boy," said the Doctor "Lord Butterworth, I appeal to you..."  
"You don't appeal to me at all Ducky." Said Butterworth "Steven here isn't too bad though."  
"Butterworth," said the Doctor trying again, soothingly "Can you remember a few years ago, you had an accident. You bumped your head..."  
"Yes, yes I did," said Butterworth "and my eyes were opened to the beauty of the male form. Look at these pictures, look at these sculptures - such beauty."  
"They're revolting." Said Steven approaching Butterworth menacingly "The Doctor and I have come to you with a reasonable offer and so help me..."  
"Stay back !" Warned Butterworth "I'm not defenceless you know, this room contains countless deadly traps. I could have killed both of you ten times over if I'd chosen. Now get back !"  
So focused was Butterworth on Steven that he did not notice the Doctor sneaking up from the other side until a blow from the Doctor's walking stick sent him to the floor in a crumpled heap.  
"That accident didn't just turn him homo," said the Doctor "It turned him stark staring mad."  
Steven pulled Butterworth up on to the chair in a sitting position.  
"He's never going to do a deal with us now, Doctor," he said "We're in a real mess."  
"Yes indeed, dear boy, yes indeed, very succulently put, hm ?"  
"What can we do ?"  
"Put his robes on." Said the Doctor.  
"What for ?" Protested steven, "I look nothing like him !"  
"Quite right, yes, a stupid idea. Oh I wish young Chesterfield or Chatterton was here, he always had good ideas. Very good ideas indeed."  
A groan issued from Lord Butterworth and he opened his eyes - "Doctor ! What are you doing here ?" He looked around the huge office - "Where am I ?"  
"Don't give us that !" Said Steven dismissively.  
"Oh you here too, eh ?" Said Butterworth "You pair of thieves - give me back my dimensional stabiliser."  
"Well, that's what we came to talk about actually." Said Steven in a friendly tone.  
"Yes, yes." Said the Doctor "We will give you it back if you can help us."  
"Help you ? Why should I help ... what is that ?" Butterworth had stopped in mid sentence staring at one of the huge paintings of two naked men. As the Doctor and Steven watched they saw emotions rise and fall across the face and in the eyes of Lord Butterworth and then, in those same eyes, realisation and horror...  
"The poofs ! The homos ! Gay Britain ! Doctor !" Butterworth brought his hands up to either side of his head, screwed up his eyes as if to try and stop seeing some unspeakable horror "Doctor ! What have I done, what have I done ?"  
"Nothing that you were responsible for." Said the Doctor gently "You suffered a head injury, brain damage, you were mentally unstable but you have committed some terrible crimes against many, many people."

Outside the office, Jeremy Thorpe looked at his watch and decided his patience was now at an end - Lord Butterworth had no right to speak to him so disrespectfully in front of anyone let alone two straights. He - Thorpe - had given his all, his life - even his love in a depraved way - for Butterworth and he would not be sidelined or humiliated like this ...

"You can make amends," said Steven as Butterworth collapsed back in to the chair at his desk and began to sob "If you help us, we can help you too."  
"You must give orders to dismantle this evil, perverted regime you have created." Said the Doctor.  
"Yes, yes, of course." Said Butterworth.  
The door to the office opened and Thorpe entered - "My lord ?" He said walking forward to the desk. Butterworth pressed a button and Thorpe simply vanished - a trapdoor in the floor opened, the evil master of the Gaystapo plunged downwards and landed with a sound that was something between a horrible splat and the sound that a cabbage makes when cut in half. Steven looked down in to the trap and recoiled in horror.  
"I told you I had a dozen ways to kill anyone, didn't I ?" Said Butterworth "Funnily enough it was Thorpe that had that one installed. All three men laughed until the Doctor stopped abruptly and handed the telephone to Lord Butterworth along with a hand written list of instructions.  
The first call was to the GAF - the Gay Air Force - Butterworth explained that straight extremists had taken over the water treatment works in East and West Sussex - they were both to be bombed immediately.  
The next call was to the National Supervisor of Reproduction - all impregnation was to cease immediately at all reproduction farms due to genetic issues.  
The Doctor pointed to his list of demands and Lord Butterworth made another telephone call - "Send a staff car to the front entrance to take a trusted associate of mine to an area of woodland outside the town. Then bring him straight back here... I mean right back here immediately. Also, I am not to be disturbed under any circumstances for the next two hours."   
Now then Steven," said the Doctor "The key to TARDIS and here..." he scribbled on a piece of notepaper "is where you will find the dimensional stabiliser."  
Steven left immediately and the Doctor asked Lord Butterworth - "Is your TARDIS here ?"  
"You're sitting on it !" Said Butterworth pointing to the desk.  
"Really ?" Said the Doctor examining the desk "Very clever, nice bit of disguise."  
"I kept it handy just in case..." Said Butterworth "Do you know, Doctor, I wanted to make a new dimensional stabiliser for it but I never actually knew how to ! A bit like someone driving a car but not knowing how to build an engine I suppose."  
"Yes, indeed, yes indeed ... er ... yes indeed."

Two days later, the Doctor, Steven and Dodo stood in the middle of Brighton with the brave members of the resistance who had helped and trusted them - now without their face coverings of course as from this day forward no-one needed to be ashamed of their straightness - one of whom was the police sergeant who had allowed them to escape from custody. People - men and women - milled around in a large enthusiastic crowd. None of them would ever know what a huge debt they owed the three time travelling adventurers or the straight resistance heroes and heroines - indeed, since the water treatment works had been destroyed and their natural straightness had returned, most of the men could barely remember what had happened in the last few years - the women, of course, would never forget.  
"The whole of East Sussex and West Sussex is now back to straight normality." Said the resistance leader - whose name was Terrence - "We used the aircraft from the Sussex GAF base to bomb the treatment works in Kent and London this morning - when they return to straightness and join us we'll be an unstoppable force. We already have sabotage teams moving cross country right now to destroy the ones further afield. The Gaystapo has virtually collapsed without their leader - Gay Britain is finished. It will take time but Great Britain will rise from the mess of the last 20 years and it's all thanks to you three. We can never thank you enough."  
"You don't need to, absolutely not." Said the Doctor. "I told you that Lord Butterworth would vanish in to thin air forever, didn't I ?"  
"We never dared believe you." Said the female resistance member whose name was Penelope.  
"I am a man of my word." Said the Doctor feigning offence.  
Everyone laughed and the Doctor and his two companions walked away through the crowds of jubilant people.  
"Where do you think the Monk went to Doctor ? Somewhere to make more mischief ?"  
"I doubt it" said the Doctor "Straight after I removed the dimensional stabiliser from his TARDIS I sabotaged it - just in case. Wherever he is ... he is the size of a microbe !"  
"A microbe ?" Said Dodo "Well, I jolly well hope I step on him !"

An hour later, accompanied by a wheezing, groaning sound a blue police box - or something, at least, that looked like a blue police box - disappeared from a forest on the south coast of Great Britain - a new free, Great Britain that would never again be Gay Britain.


End file.
